Wednesday, February 11, 2009


The day we receive the news of the arrival of our 1st child, apart from the joy and excitement, one major emotion that is experienced is ANXIETY. The responsibility of being the one in-charge of bringing a new life to this world and to live up to the expectations of God Almighty who has reposed his highest trust in us, seems too daunting a task.

As the child arrives, we gear up to give our 100% to ensure that our child grows up with the best of everything we can provide. We ensure the best of formal education, clothes, toys and nutrition, so much so that, we try to be there to handle every problem they land themselves into.

However, as we are doing that, (or at least trying our best) we are overwhelmed by the innumerable worldly matters. Our race for survival and that to make our child comfortable in this big bad world puts our main objectives behind the curtains. What we end up creating is a generation laced up with decorative degrees, designer wear and flights of dreams. Does it ever occur to us…what happens to the apples of our eyes when they are faced with adversities, fierce competition, back-stabbing, frustration of failures, demanding hardships, difficult decisions and insensitive environments….and all this when we may not be around by their sides all the times, to provide a buffer for them to endure it all.

What are we giving to our children to prepare them for that day?

Every time we buy them new clothes, a pair of foot wear or the toy that he put his finger on, we need to ask ourselves—when he is on his own, would he be able to make the right decision? Would he understand the right and the wrong? Can he stand for his own rights? And if he is not able to give shape to his dreams, can he still march forward without falling prey to frustrations???

And one question for ourselves - Can we afford to ignore the ever-increasing rate of addictions, crimes, suicides and homicides among the youngsters under the petty pretence that it cannot happen to us? Can we also ignore their ever increasing demands, unreasonable expectations, indecisiveness, over indulgence, self centeredness, lack of confidence, aggressiveness, low self esteem attention drawing behavior and more?
After all it is the most important person in our life that we are talking about.

We almost always know the answers to these questions, however, what we need to do is start looking for answers for some more questions, and being realistic, help our children create a new world for themselves:
1. Is the formal education preparing my child for the real world?
2. What is the missing link between the education, my love and the real world?
3. What can I do to bridge this gap and make parenting a fulfilling experience?

Lets get together and discuss this as a forum of conscious parents
Instead of a fish give your child a fishing rod!!!

1 comment:

  1. I am not sure if I am one of those idiots who is not overly concerned about measuring myself as a parent. I feel that the trouble with parents today is that they try to measure themselves and try to hold themselves to some benchmark, what that benchmark is, God knows. I find that parents of my generation, the forty-somethings, somehow try to "make up" for stuff they did not have or did not get from their parents or felt was done wrong by their parents...In a sense, a "guilty parenting" generation.

    In another blog below, you talk about Spiritual Parenting. I think it is more natural parenting. That is how my parents were. My dad put me in a school that was close to our house. He did not bother trying to find out the best school in town. It didn't matter to him that the school was a vernacular-medium school. I do not recall my mom ever visiting my school to complain about this-that-and-the-other thing to my teachers. Once, a teacher asked my parents to come to the school to talk to them about discipline issues. My parents coolly told my teacher to do whatever he felt appropriate to discipline me ('beat the hell out of him if you have to" is how I interpreted it at the time). My dad grumbled that he had to put in a half-day at work for something this simple.

    All animals, homo sapiens included, are born with a survival instinct. They know that they must survive, no matter what the odds. As a parent, I feel that I should keep this survival instinct alive in my kids, not kill it. In your spiritual parenting post, you mention "What do we really want FOR our children?” Note that it is FOR them and not FROM them". I feel that this is incorrect. We should want nothing FOR them or FROM them. I am a strong believer of destiny. My kids have their own destiny. All I can do is play the role of a provider. A provider of food, clothing, shelter and love. If I am doing that, I feel that I am doing alright as a parent. They will fight their way in this big, bad world, they will survive and they will fulfil what God wants FOR them AND FROM them. It does not simply matter what I want FOR them or even FROM them.

    We have to reconcile with the fact that our children spend a majority of their time with someone else, not us. How much time do they really spend with the parents? How much time do we spend together as a "family"?

    More than being overly concerned about parenting, I feel a more pertinent question to ask of my generation is how are we doing as children for our parents? Are we there for them when they need us?